How the DEAR MAN Technique Can Improve Your Communication
- Desta Therapy
- Jul 9
- 2 min read
Updated: Aug 21
At Desta Therapy, LLC, we believe in providing clients with practical tools to build healthier relationships and stronger emotional resilience. One such evidence-based skill is DEAR MAN, a core technique from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) used to improve assertive communication.
What is the DEAR MAN Technique?
DEAR MAN is an acronym that helps individuals ask for what they need, say no effectively, and navigate interpersonal conflicts with confidence and clarity. It's especially helpful for those who struggle with people-pleasing, anxiety, or difficulty setting boundaries.
Breaking Down the DEAR MAN Acronym:
Describe: Clearly and objectively state the facts of the situation.
Express: Share how you feel using "I" statements.
Assert: Ask for what you want or say no firmly.
Reinforce: Highlight the positive outcomes of getting your needs met.
Mindful: Stay focused and avoid distractions or emotional derailments.
Appear confident: Use a calm tone, body language, and eye contact.
Negotiate: Be open to compromise if necessary.
How to Use DEAR MAN in Real Life
Imagine you need to talk to your partner about spending more quality time together:
Describe: “Lately, we’ve both been really busy with work and haven’t had much time to connect.” Express: “I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected and miss spending time with you.” Assert: “I’d really like us to set aside one evening a week for just us.” Reinforce: “I think it would help us feel closer and more supported.” Mindful: Stay on topic even if they bring up other issues. Appear confident: Maintain eye contact and speak clearly. Negotiate: “If once a week is too much, maybe we could do every other week?”
Why DEAR MAN Works
The DEAR MAN technique empowers individuals to communicate needs without aggression or passivity. It helps you stay grounded, respectful, and focused on problem-solving—a crucial skill in both personal and professional relationships.
Want to Learn More?
At Desta Therapy, LLC, our licensed therapists are trained in DBT and other evidence-based approaches. Through individual adult counseling and individual adolescent counseling we can help you master tools like DEAR MAN to improve your relationships, boost your confidence, and support your mental wellness.
📞 Contact us today to schedule a session or learn more about our DBT-informed therapy services.
Desta Therapy offers professional counseling services to help you manage stress, anxiety, depression, and life challenges.
